Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
