I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
