The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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