omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
