like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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