thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
