New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
