Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
