This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His nipple licking is glorious
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