I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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