You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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