I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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