His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
