It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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