Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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