Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize