my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
