Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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