Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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