she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
