HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
