I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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