Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize