I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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