He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
