I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
