I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize