Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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