I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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