and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
