someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
