Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
