Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
