i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
