I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What a dumb baby whore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
