Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
