Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
