oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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