i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
