Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I smell stomach acid.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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