I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
