is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
