You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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