i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
