im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
