Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
