??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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