took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
