ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
