Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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