Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
