i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
