don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
