I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
