Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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