Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize