The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
