chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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