Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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