i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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