I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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