On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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