Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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