So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
