I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
